Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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