Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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