Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
