U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
