Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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