Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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