The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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