My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
