If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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