brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
