Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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