It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
