I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
