i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
