I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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