Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
