even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
