the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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