so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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