last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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