do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
