My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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