you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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