Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
