My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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