Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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