You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize