I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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