whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I need to stop coming to work sober
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
