i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
