yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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