She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There's always time for handjobs
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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