Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She told me I should be a condom model.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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