So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
