hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
