Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You smell like stripper and shame
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
