My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
