Best friends brother. Beat that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize