You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
