you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
