did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
