Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
