He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
