I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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