we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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