tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
