last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize