Already got asked if we're dating
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
