Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
