Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
