Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
