I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
