When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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