she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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