and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
