i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize