we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you win again, gameday.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
