I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
