Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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