I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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