I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
