Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize