I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
