Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
