I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
