Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
