your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
