Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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