so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
