The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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