i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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