She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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