tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't turn off my feet"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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