Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
