the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize