Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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