What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
