dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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