he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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