1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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