I'm jealous of your bromance
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
