just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
