Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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