He asked to "fluff my boner.."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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