Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
