She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
