My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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