you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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