Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
