Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
