it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
