I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
