So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
