Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
