I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
