Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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