i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
