I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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