then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Girls should come with a carfax report
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
