5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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