so that wasnt chicken after all
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
